05 June 2010

Fatigue



Two months it has been since I last entertained you with a post. Many of you are aware of the things that happened in the meantime. I shall not repeat them here and give them more space than they have already taken.

How often in the last few weeks I longed to jump back onto the blogosphere and I've been keeping lists of things to write about and snippets of intriguing newspaper articles, flyers and other material. I was planning to give you Oxford backstage, literature and the new media, Burmese theatre, the Gaza aid flotilla, diaspora art and give you a sample of the soundscapes in The Big City.

Discovering my joy in contemporary poetry, I intend to write a poem myself telling the tale of my past several weeks.

But today - today, I just want to write something. Anything. I have never felt this exhausted in my life. It is like crawling towards the finish line of a five-year marathon to collapse with your outstretched fingers 2cm away from victory.
No podium, no handshake, no ceremony.



I can well need a holiday. I am looking forward to the times when I can just READ and won't get a static cracking in my head where words should be, when I can walk into a library without the shelves blurring into tunnels of terror.

I am just tired, so tired. All I want is just to go home.

4 courageous comments!:

kungpow kimchi said...

YOU CAN DO IT HEIDI!!! I know you can. You're amazing person, so giving and full of energy, i miss you very much.

Keep up tha spirits
Julie

Heidi said...

Awwww, you're amazing, Julie!!! Just reading your comment gives me hope!

We have to catch up over Skype soon! And COME TO EUROPE!!!

Anonymous said...

Liebe Heidi!
home is waiting for you!!! with open arms to hug you!!!! and with loads of ice cream :)
so minha querida,
it´s really okay that you are tired and you can be so proud of yourself!!
It´s not anyone (qualquer uma), who has the power, determination and energy to do and stand all what happened to you those days... and still go on ... looking forward to the finishing line!!!
Imagine no more scaring libraries: out of that .... to whereever life takes you!!
hugs hugs and more hugs!!!
Looking forward to being with you!!
kisses,
take care** martina

Heidi said...

Martina, querida!!!

I am soooo looking forward to Austria!

I guess after the initial emergency phase is over and you're moving on to reconstruction, every crisis can be an opportunity. Saying that, I should probably take this incentive to do Something Else and open an ice cream shop! ;) We could also attach a gallery for the in-house artist...!!!

Counting the days now until I set foot in my dear country and favourite ice cream shop again - and of course see everyone! :)